In The Dead Of Night

In The Dead Of Night...

I think of all of you...I miss all of you

I cry because I have lost you...

My love to you all...

Black Friday

I can remember when we called the day after Christ died "Black Saturday". Now the fuckers who run this country (and you thought it was the government...), the ad men have deemed this day "Black Friday". Yeah, well...fuck you people too!

I'm so sick of being told by the media where and when to go, where and when to be and where and when I can fuck, shit, piss and breathe.

Screw all of you.

I will not subscribe to your interpretation of the events that have happened today.

And how many people got trampled...all for the want of a fucking IPAD?

Angrily, I am,
The Fly.

Once Again, Siddown And Shuddup!

I just read from my other blog and, guess what....

I am a drag...a real drag!

When did I stop having fun with my blogs? I guess when I became a drag!

I love being here...especially in the night (ah, NightFly..get it?) and I have done nothing lately (like the last year or so) but BITCH ABOUT SHIT!

Well, who can stop that? One answer...ME!

So, The NightFly, the fun one...is back. I may still bitch about stuff from time to time...

BUT!

I'm also gonna have fun again.

ps: Maybe this whole gig is because I'm getting rid of my own drag...my wife!

Love always,
The NightFly

pps: And if you are an attractive young woman, Love Always More....write to me!

:*

ppps: You gotta love the cows! But I still wanna know why they're in my fridge!

Siddown And Shuddup!

You know, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

When did I fall out of grace? When did this happen? When did the world decide that I wasn't to have anything? That I would just exist? That I would just take their crap and enjoy it?

I'm a good f***ing man. I deserve more.

I deserve a loving woman who won't criticize me, who will love me, who will be my partner in this life. She's there...I just haven't found her.

And I'm tired of waiting for The Man...when things go wrong and it's...once in a while, not my fault, I have to wait for The Man. And I wait.

Well, that having been said...
As Always, I am....
The NightFly (Even this early in the morning!)

I wrote another blog about this photo...

"Time is was, time is was.."

I have been told that dogs and cats don't have souls...but I think they do. How can you look into their eyes and not see...well, yourself. How can you not hear their cry when they bark or meow at you...at you! How can you say that they don't have soul when they come to you for affection or comfort, just like your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend would do?

There's more to that photo, more than I'm saying...but, I will say that we should be good to our pets. For God's sake...you brought them into your home, treat them well!

I am, even at this hour in the morning,

The NightFly!

As Brandi knows, sometimes rain will fall into your life. This morning I know (as Brandi knows) that I won't melt if I walk in the rain. I won't melt if someone disparages me. And I won't melt if I...I feel unloved.

Guess what? I'm not melting.

I'm sweet, but I'm not made of sugar and I won't melt!

I send a Big Sugary Kissy to all 12 of you who read my blog!

My Love,

NightFly.

Seriously?

I just re-wrote and re-read a few of my entries.

And many of them have the word "hurt" in them.

It made me realize that I am hurting so much...I have a wife that would spit on me rather than kiss me. I have...well, now that I think about it...aside from that, I have nothing.

I'm just old and tired. I thought for a brief f-ing moment, I might have love in my life again...but, just like the water heater that doesn't work in my house, that's not gonna happen. So I will relegate myself to an area, a room for the next few weeks. I will be purposeful, I will do what is required of me.

But I will not be happy, joyous and free.

I don't think I ever will be.

So much love to give...and no one will take it from me.

And now you see me for real. In darkness .

And I am afraid. I am afraid of myself and my thoughts.

I am alone...hurting and frightened.

There Is Love...

Sometimes, when you think you are loved...you aren't. And sometimes when you think you aren't loved, you are.

I am just a man...how am I to figure this whole thing out?

I'm tired and beaten...beaten down and beaten close to death.

All I want is to hold someone and love her...

That's all....

Is that so much to ask?

"If I could, I would be,

Old and wise, knowing all there is to know

Then I'd answer right,

Every time,

If I could."

I have other issues to discuss here, but, first, I had to pay tribute to John. Yes, he would have been 70 years old this year, just a few days ago. Had he not been killed who knows? What music would he have given the world, us, me in the last thirty years. We will never know. But, suffice to say, we miss you John...we have for a very long time.

Now, onto new business. The Rock And The Hard Place. Guess where I am? I won't go into detail but I am there and I have no f***ing idea what to do. I'm frightened because my world will soon come crashing down around me. I see it coming and there isn't a GD thing I can do about it.

So...with that, I remain,

Faithfully yours,

The NightFly

ps: Maybe I should stop getting up in the morning!

Amnesia

My brother sent me a song tonight. I don't believe he knew what it meant to me.

Yo lo quierdo....I think that is what the singer is singing...

I do know this, he is saying, "I don't remember"...

But, I do. I remember. I remember all of the friends I have lost, through attrition (sp?), because of what I am...I have a disease. It's not catching, it's just a disease that hurts the people around me.

But I remember you all...I love you very much, I miss you very much and I hurt...my heart hurts because I don't have you in my life anymore.

Because of my disease.

I'm sorry. I apologize. I am sorry and I can never take it back.

I can only think of you, love you, remember you...I can't even hope that you will come back to me someday. Because I know you never will.

But I can do what I can do today and step one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

I'm sorry. I am getting healthy now...

I wish I was healthy then...maybe we would still be friends.

For my life, still ahead, pity me.

Hiya!

Here I am again...

Someone I thought was going to be a "person of interest", as they put it in the crime shows...well, I am alone again!

I have very special feelings for this woman...and I want to be with her.

I don't know why I can't be...

I love...

Just a pool of tears

I am back...today is my birthday!

I heard from many people...people that I like and that I LOVE...

I still feel like Tommy....

There is no chance, no outside operation...
All hope lies with him and not with me...
Imagine, though, the shock from isolation
When he suddenly can hear and speak and see....

Go to the mirror, boy!

Listening to you, I get the music,
Gazing at you, I get the heat,
Following you, I climb the mountains,
I get excitement at your feet!

Right behind you, I see the millions,
On you, I see the glory,
From you, I get opinions,
From you I get the story...

What is happening in his head?

Oh, I wish I knew...I wish I knew!

Apparently, I have been tweeting, twixting, FB'ing, or whatever else on my other blog...(Yeah, go find it! :D)

I still have things to say, whether or not you like them, that's okay...but I have to get them out...when I'm happy, when I'm sad or angry or whatever...it's gotta come out.

Yeah, I am The NightFly, that...no matter what time I get up in the morning, will never change. And yes, I like to think that I AM..."Twenty Minutes Into The Future".

Big changes coming soon for The NightFly...

More later...

I send my love, my hope and my dreams for all 12 of you who read this!

The Fly!

Ps: Oh, sorry, no really cool pic tonight!

Come Talk To Me...

Sometimes...and I know I use that phrase way too often, but...Sometimes, with all of the technology we have around us, (text me, e-mail me, tweet me, FB me, Twixt me, F*** me!) we just need to hear a voice on the phone.

We need that little bit of contact, especially since we don't have face-to-face contact very much anymore and, when we do, it's brief and constrained. I realize we are all "Twenty Minutes Into The Future" but, come on, look me in the eye, take my hand, smile at me and be my friend...as scared as I am of you, don't be afraid of me. I won't hurt you...I will be your friend, if you will give me the chance.

Call me...my lines are open...

The NightFly will answer.

NightFly In Confusion

The NightFly is in confusion...

I have one faction in my life telling me that I have to change my life, drastically. Another faction telling me that I want to change my life. And then there is me...not wanting change in my life...I dislike change greatly!

Do I follow my heart or my head?

Fear brought me to where I am right now. Fear brought me down this horrible spiral. Fear...is all I feel these days...fear and depression.

I have a darkness in my life. I have a light in my life. Then I have the grey in between.

I know which way to go. I know what I have to do. But that path, everything being said, is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Others have done it...I can, too.

Will sobriety follow? Will serenity follow? Will happiness follow?

The NightFly wonders about all of these things...

This time, I am back for good!

Welcome to The Night!

I will welcome myself back...

Welcome Home, NightFly!

Twenty Minutes...

Oh, My Good Lord-A-Mighty...

I am Twenty Minutes Into The Future...I will always be! Even though they tell me to look at "One Day At A Time".

I can't...
I can't come out to find you....

I'm just who I am...someone just wrote on my FaceBook (what a FREAKING WASTE OF TIME!) that I should be coherent! Well, if I were coherent I wouldn't be any fun and I wouldn't be read by all of you!

DO YOU know everything that's gonna happen in the next twenty-four or the next forty-eight?
Yeah, well, neither do I, so, guess what...I care about what's happening RIGHT F*ing NOW!

Welcome to YOUR Twenty Minutes Into The Future!

There was a time when I believed in love...I believed that you could fall in love with someone...and believe me, I don't care if you love a woman or a man. If you feel that feeling of love, well, there you are!

There was a time that I believed that you could fall in love...that love was something to hold on to. That love was something. I've written numerous songs about love...

I still, at my age, think that it happens.

Marshall Crewshaw, In the 1980's, said it best, at least for me!

I never thought I'd be in this situation,

It seems wherever I go I'm with you

I never seem to find my place,

Every time I see your face!

It seems to be,

A reverie,

You're here with me!

Whenever you're on my mind,

I leave the world behind....

And so, I still believe...

And I want to be in love...I want to love someone.

And On and On...

I've just watched a special on Palladium...it was Heart (in this era) performing their entire first album (Dreamboat Annie) on stage.

It's peculiar that I felt a range of emotions about this performance...I listened to the songs that, well, had awakened my sexuality, my sensuality, my head and my...no pun intended...my heart.

I can remember hearing "Crazy On You" the very first time...I had awakened to a clear summer morning and I was looking up to my windows and I heard this woman singing, almost screaming, "Lemme go crazy, crazy on you". Well, I was fifteen years old, pumped with hormones and the thought of that was quite intoxicating! I tried, feverishly, for two or three months to find out who the HELL this band was. I was told it was the Heart Sisters and other things...and finally, I found them in the record (remember records?) store. On a little known label (which I will not say here because they screwed Heart big time) was "Heart". I played "Crazy On You" and "Magic Man" and "Sing Child" over and over and over and over until the grooves (yeah, youngster, records had GROOVES!) were worn out.

Now, thirty years later...I don't know if it because I have really never grown up or if I have hope in my heart...I listened to the same songs sang by people I really didn't recognize (Big Fat Annie and Anorexic Nancy, with their latest boy-toy band and some chick with pigtails playing keys and other assorted stuff) and I realized that I still have the same feelings. I hope in my heart that I will be the best person I can be and that someone, just one, will recognize that in me! I hope that I will help...

Ann and Nancy...and I'm sorry I disparaged you in the last paragraph because I have always loved both of you, as musicians, especially, but just as nice people...Ann and Nancy, you sang about the things that I was going through at age 15-16...you understood. You helped me through.

You sang of love...you sang about the world.

This is not from "Dreamboat Annie" but I took these words to heart (again, no pun intended)...You said...

"When we get old,
How will our story be told,
Windswept, old,
Used by time,
Waiting for the bus...

Will that be us?

I still feel the feelings of a fifteen year old...I hope for love, I hope for peace in my life, I hope for better things every day.

Am I still waiting for the bus?

It Never Ends...

I learned something the other day...that, what I have, will never end. I am trying so hard to not be the NightFly...to fit into the DayWorld. And I'm just not sure I'm ever gonna be able to do it. I have a Twit or a Tweet or a Twitter or a Tweeter or a Twieter or a Twater or something like that and people are actually following me. Following what I do!

Let's have a look at that...who gives a crap what I do from moment to moment...when I shave, when I shower, when I watch TV, when I go to bed, when I do whatever I do...who gives a hairy rats...?

I am trying SO HARD to be a DayWorld person, even though I mostly work the night shift. I just don't want to isolate to the night. I don't want to miss the sunrise...but the sunset suits me just a little better.

I am The NightFly and always will be.

What I have, what I am, what I will be, what is yet to come...

Will never change.

And never end.

I see that same hooded face,

It beckons me from the gate

"Did you not know, my friend?

Ten years ago was the end?"

"After the war,
Waterloo was no more...
But your ticket states,
there is one train,
it's leaving now,
There is a place,
Remember my face,
And Waterloo"

it's nice work if you can get it...now, who the hell said it...

I am ...